Bullying is abusive and control-driven behavior that can take place anywhere and anytime human beings are interacting with each other. It can take different forms, consisting of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. No matter where or how it occurs, bullying damages people and, in some cases, even kills them.
Bullying behavior arises from perceived dominance that one person exerts over another. The dominator, or bully, may be physically stronger than his target, be older, have more money, possess a higher social status…there are a number of ways people measure themselves against each other. Competitive pressure can elicit bullying from the perpetrator, who may not even be aware that he is being abusive because he or she is too caught up in their drive for control or power.
Perhaps one of the most detrimental forms of bullying is the kind that occurs behind closed doors, within peoples’ own families. Of course, it goes by different names – spousal or child abuse, domestic violence, even “getting yelled at.” But it’s basically bullying. This type of bullying situation is particularly injurious, as it may be unknown to anyone outside the family, and the victims are often so ashamed that they either deny what is happening or keep it secret. It can go on for years without being addressed, becoming the status quo within a victim’s home life.
Unfortunately, many victims of bullying – and particularly if they are subjected to it in their formative years - have a tendency to store up their resulting anger, then repeat the pattern and become bullies themselves. Thus continues the destructive pattern of behavior that is basically the perpetrator’s means of distracting himself from his own underlying feelings of inadequacy.
Some victims of bullying take another even more tragic route. They come to believe the messages sent - verbally or non-verbally – by the bully, and they begin to devalue themselves. If this continues, a person’s self-esteem can become so battered that they might lose interest in trying to be who they are. They might actually abandon their own sense of self in favor of the opinions of those around them, which can lead to crisis and tragedy.
How often have we heard of teenagers hurting themselves or committing suicide because they could not “fit in” with their peers? At an age when peers are hugely important in a person’s life and a solid sense of self is not completely formed, it is easy to see how bullying can lead a young person to despair.
For the individuals who struggle through being beat down by parents, relatives, schoolmates, bosses, even “friends,” some type of damage cannot be avoided. The effects may not show up as blatantly as a suicide attempt, but they can color that person’s attitudes and choices for a lifetime. Depression, a feeling of purposelessness, low self-esteem, a tendency toward addictions and myriad other forms of self-destructive behavior, isolation, and a quiet sense of despair can all be the norm for victims of bullying.
Sadly, many individuals adopt these symptoms for life, without ever considering that they or their attitudes could be more functional. And chances are, even if they don’t bully others themselves, their souls (or “psyche” to use a more technical term) are impaired and they have little true feeling to offer those around them.
Surely there is hope for recovery from the effects of being beat down, however it happened. But depending upon the source, extent, and longevity of the bullying, it can take many years of consistent healing work to make a change. Moving past this trauma is indeed a journey toward healthy living and attitudes, but one well worth embarking upon.
Awareness:
The starting point of recovery from bully victimization is simple awareness that one has been abused and affected by the actions and behavior of others toward them. Unfortunately, many victims of bullying take on shame and hold themselves in so little regard that they cannot even recognize that they have been affected. Being abused has created within them a sometimes very deeply-ingrained belief that for some reason, they deserved the bad treatment.
If a child is bullied by members of their own family of origin, they can literally grow up not expecting any other type of treatment. As adults, they unconsciously recreate the familiar pattern - with themselves again in the role of victims - by choosing friends and mates who are abusive.
Wanting To Change:
With dysfunctional core beliefs and inability to see the problem, a victim of abuse may have to endure a tremendous amount of suffering over an extended period of time before he is willing to remove himself as a victim and recover from the effects of being bullied. Being treated poorly is - surprisingly and tragically - far too familiar and therefore comfortable for some people to contemplate changing. Furthermore, an individual may well not even know what healthy relationships look and feel like, so they don’t have a clear idea of their goal. And so, they automatically continue to struggle along as a victim, rather than brave changing the underlying dynamic.
However, the pain of living with so much negativity from others and from one’s own distorted self-concept can serve as the most compelling force for change. Having learned not to expect much from others and from life, the bullied victim fulfills this attitude in their own situation. They might have a job they hate (but don’t feel they deserve a better one), a marital relationship fraught with conflict and emotional/physical abuse, or a list of responsibilities and obligations that crowds out pleasurable or self-fulfilling activities.
In a sense, a person’s misery can be their greatest blessing, if it is painful enough to motivate some real and positive action to lessen it.
The Journey Back:
Everyone who has ever suffered the effects of being bullied, but managed to break free to lead a full and healthy life, has their own story of how they healed from the damage. Surely, there are many different ways people adapt and grow to better their life experience. But a common thread among them is the need for a reliable source of help from other people, perhaps a therapist, to guide them past the negative belief system they have developed in reaction to being abused.
The opposite of being bullied is being taken care of and nurtured. If victims of abuse are in situations where the people around them are either bullying them, unaware of their suffering, or unavailable to help, they need to find support elsewhere. In time, with loving support and validation, they learn that they are worthy and capable of practicing self-care, including removing themselves from situations where they are being bullied.
Once freed from the emotional consequences of being bullied, an individual can live confidently and love themselves as well as others. Their growth can continue for a lifetime, even to the point of being able to forgive and feel compassion towards their one-time abusers.
Although bullying is all too common among people everywhere and probably evident since humans have existed, the pain it causes can be a force for spiritual seeking and emotional healing. And since we all are affected to some degree by those around us, any effort by individuals to learn more healthy and loving attitudes has the potential to benefit the whole of society.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
On Being Judgmental
Certainly, our experiences bring us wisdom over time, but wisdom can easily be mutated into the less desirable trait of being judgmental. And this attribute can pose a real challenge to living our lives positively and healthily.
Individual impressions that we connect - accurately or not - to particular people, objects, places, and situations, can easily become an indelible association in our mind. And if the impression is negative, all similar objects, people, and so forth are automatically attached to that less-desirable evaluation.
Our judgments are usually made instantaneously – a “first impression.” This seems natural enough. After all, the thoughts and feelings we have when experiencing something new can be important internal cues for triggering self-protection against pain and danger. Here they operate at the level of instinct – something surely innate and intended for our survival.
However, as conscious beings, unless we are willing and able to give our judgmental instincts a second (and sometimes even a third and fourth) look, we could be coming to conclusions based on not enough information. This results in closing our minds to new and potentially enlightening experiences, information, and relationships. We actually become stagnated by our own perceptions.
Unfortunately, further solidifying our judgmental tendencies is the secondary pay-off we might not even be aware we’re getting: the feeling of comfortable superiority to others around us. It is a false security derived from feeling that we are “right” and others are “wrong.”
The good news is that, as with any other character defect, we can consciously work on being less judgmental. The first step in this process, of course, is becoming aware of our tendency to judge. Particularly challenging is that for some of us, being judgmental is an automatic and ingrained reaction. And because it’s such a “normal” thought process, we might not even notice ourselves doing it. Like any kind of work we do on ourselves, it will take conscious thought and practice to catch ourselves.
Once we’re aware of our thinking, we may be able to delay reaching conclusions about the objects of our judgment long enough to ask ourselves if we are being fair and reasonable.
The real groundwork for becoming less judgmental, however, begins with changing the attitude we have towards – not the world around us – but ourselves. The habit of criticizing and condemning ourselves, in areas such as our career successes or failures, personality quirks, life situation, physical appearance, wealth or lack thereof (the list can be infinite), directly relates to how we perceive everything around us.
Thus, turning inward with more compassion and gentleness will transform the most significant judgment we make everyday - that of ourselves. Is your attitude toward yourself loving and patient, or are you constantly feeling that you don’t measure up? Changing our feelings about ourselves is something we can all make the decision to do. It may take some time, but we can draw upon our loving Spiritual resources for help.
Imagine the charity we could extend to others and everything around us, lessening the harsh and critical view of the world we carry around daily, if we turned around our attitude toward the one person we can change?
Individual impressions that we connect - accurately or not - to particular people, objects, places, and situations, can easily become an indelible association in our mind. And if the impression is negative, all similar objects, people, and so forth are automatically attached to that less-desirable evaluation.
Our judgments are usually made instantaneously – a “first impression.” This seems natural enough. After all, the thoughts and feelings we have when experiencing something new can be important internal cues for triggering self-protection against pain and danger. Here they operate at the level of instinct – something surely innate and intended for our survival.
However, as conscious beings, unless we are willing and able to give our judgmental instincts a second (and sometimes even a third and fourth) look, we could be coming to conclusions based on not enough information. This results in closing our minds to new and potentially enlightening experiences, information, and relationships. We actually become stagnated by our own perceptions.
Unfortunately, further solidifying our judgmental tendencies is the secondary pay-off we might not even be aware we’re getting: the feeling of comfortable superiority to others around us. It is a false security derived from feeling that we are “right” and others are “wrong.”
The good news is that, as with any other character defect, we can consciously work on being less judgmental. The first step in this process, of course, is becoming aware of our tendency to judge. Particularly challenging is that for some of us, being judgmental is an automatic and ingrained reaction. And because it’s such a “normal” thought process, we might not even notice ourselves doing it. Like any kind of work we do on ourselves, it will take conscious thought and practice to catch ourselves.
Once we’re aware of our thinking, we may be able to delay reaching conclusions about the objects of our judgment long enough to ask ourselves if we are being fair and reasonable.
The real groundwork for becoming less judgmental, however, begins with changing the attitude we have towards – not the world around us – but ourselves. The habit of criticizing and condemning ourselves, in areas such as our career successes or failures, personality quirks, life situation, physical appearance, wealth or lack thereof (the list can be infinite), directly relates to how we perceive everything around us.
Thus, turning inward with more compassion and gentleness will transform the most significant judgment we make everyday - that of ourselves. Is your attitude toward yourself loving and patient, or are you constantly feeling that you don’t measure up? Changing our feelings about ourselves is something we can all make the decision to do. It may take some time, but we can draw upon our loving Spiritual resources for help.
Imagine the charity we could extend to others and everything around us, lessening the harsh and critical view of the world we carry around daily, if we turned around our attitude toward the one person we can change?
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Lingerie Marketing Piece No. 2
Item Description:
Ivory Bra and Thong Set – Beautiful, elegant, and sexy – all describe this set by Axami lingerie, imported from Europe. Ultra-feminine rose pink and ivory beige tones highlight the adjustable-strap demi bra, which features removable bump-pads to provide slight lift and bust enhancement, as well as underwire support. Finished with exquisite embroidered detailing and bow accents, the bra and panty set comes with a matching thong G-string.
Blog Piece Introducing Ivory Bra and Thong Set:
If you love feminine elegance and sensual design, you won’t be able to resist the latest addition to the lingerie collection of Pampered Passions Fine Lingerie: our Ivory Bra and Thong Set, from Axami Lingerie. Axami’s experienced and high-end designers have crafted yet another ingeniously artistic piece of premium-quality intimate-wear.
Imported from Europe, the set includes an adjustable-strap demi bra with removable bump-pads that add slight lift and bust enhancement, and matching panties. Adding to the bra’s functional features is underwire support. With the set, we send you the ultra-feminine, same-style G-string thong, making this a three-piece pleaser.
The functional features of the Ivory Bra and Thong Set support and highlight your body’s natural, beautiful curves and lines. But functional becomes fabulous with the set’s artistic pink/rose and beige-over-ivory embroidered detail, and pretty bow accents.
The Ivory Bra and Thong Set is something you can wear just for yourself – feel great reveling in your own delightful femininity – or to share with a partner. Either way, you can depend on Pampered Passions’ commitment to quality materials and construction. Our goal is to keep our customers pleased with their purchase from our collection, each and every time they put it on.
With expert design, functionality, quality of workmanship – there’s no reason not to indulge in the enjoyment of your body wearing our Ivory Bra and Thong Set. The experience this set will give your senses is a gift to yourself, and can be a lovely, intimate way to share yourself with someone special. It’s another winner offered by Pampered Passions…visit us today.
Lingerie Marketing Piece
Item Description:
Item 4329 – Earthy and enticing leopard-print chemise hugs every curve, but still hints of mystery. Sheer Lycra net, trimmed with stretch lace, plunges in front and back with strappy detail adding to its sexy allure. A matching thong is included to complete the set.
Blog Piece Introducing Item 4329:
Pampered Passions Fine Lingerie proudly offers yet another chemise style scorching enough to wake up anyone in the bedroom. The Sexy Leopard chemise is a collaboration of expertise from our top-notch designers, whose winning track record makes each new design better than their last. Their latest - the Sexy Leopard chemise - is so alluring, you’ll instantly be in touch with your earthy and irresistible femininity. The animal-print fabric is reminiscent of natural, wild beauty, which is how you’ll feel when you slip it over your body.
As you’ve come to expect from Pampered Passions, our high-end design and attention to detail separates us from the rest of lingerie retailers. And cheap material or construction is never an option for us – we guarantee quality or we won’t offer it to our customers. This commitment to the very best is again evident in the Sexy Leopard chemise. Made with run-resistant, form-fitting Lycra net and featuring stretch lace trim with strappy detailing, the Sexy Leopard is sure to bring out the animal instincts in your lover. Plunging daringly low in both the front and back, the Sexy Leopard covers enough to lend mystery and entice further exploration. The outfit comes complete with a matching thong, setting the stage for your perfect romantic encounter.
Satisfy your own instinctual urges by wearing the Sexy Leopard chemise, and watch your bedroom turn into a jungle of exotic enjoyment. Once again you’ll see that Pampered Passions designs can turn a kitty-cat into a tiger, and make even the King of the Forest beg for mercy!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Marketing Copy for Website: Charles Lloyd, Realtor
With a history in real estate brokerage that spans over 35 years, Charles Lloyd – a Fallbrook native himself - is the “go-to” guy for property transactions in this unique area. School systems, land use, utilities, and county issues are among the topics he can address knowledgeably and from the vantage point of his long-time experience. Over the years, Charles has constructed a large, solid base of happy and satisfied clients, with whom he continues to associate.
Charles has specialized in single-family or multiple-family homes, as well as commercial properties. In addition, he is an authority in the area of land and lot-splitting involving both parcel maps (five parcels or less) as well as subdivisions (five parcels or more).
According to Charles, the last five years have been a period of change in the Fallbrook/Bonsall overall property picture. Real estate has become more expensive, as evidenced by the numerous million-dollar properties currently in this region. Charles’ theory about this trend toward higher-end real estate is that the high costs and time involved with lot-splitting has resulted in increased price-tags. Splitting a lot, which a few years ago took about 12 months, may now require three to four years to complete.
Charles has been directly involved with the effects of county regulations governing lot-splits, and has witnessed the county’s introduction of new required studies (and their resultant costs) correlating to higher listing prices.
Fortunately, Charles’ veteran status as a broker in this area has resulted in strong relationships with numerous area contractors. These ties, along with his years of selling property in this region, give Charles the advantage of knowing what to do, when to do it, and who to use for best service, cost, and efficiency. The business challenges that are presented by the political, economic, and social issues of this community drive him to utilize his masterful approach in finding solutions.
Charles’ favorite type of real estate transaction is, of course, “one that is closed.” Seriously, though, he is deeply gratified by his work in the Fallbrook community, and is known in the industry for his integrity and prioritization of customers’ needs. From start to finish of any transaction, Charles advocates for his clients and is there for them throughout. “I’m not going anyplace,” he says.
Though he has traveled extensively, Charles still finds Fallbrook one of the best and most unique places to live in the world. He believes it is sought after for its countryside setting and laid-back charm. "I think a lot of people live here for the privacy," he adds.
Rebeca de Villiers is an essential part of the Lloyd Team, and has been involved with real estate for the last six years. Having lived in Switzerland and Mexico for most of her life, she is fluent in Spanish and French. Rebeca, who has three school-aged children, moved to Fallbrook in 1997. She continues to learn about Fallbrook/North County real estate as her years here accumulate, and as a by-product of being mentored by Charles. Involvement with her children and with their schools’ PTA’s also keeps her happily busy and in touch with the needs of families in the community.
Charles and Rebeca wish to welcome you to the beautiful Fallbrook/Bonsall communities, and are ready to help you find the residence that will truly make this area your home.
Please contact Rebeca at (760) 468-0996, or via e-mail at rebecakids3@yahoo.com. Charles Lloyd can be reached at (760) 685-2163, or e-mail thelloydteam@hotmail.com.
Charles has specialized in single-family or multiple-family homes, as well as commercial properties. In addition, he is an authority in the area of land and lot-splitting involving both parcel maps (five parcels or less) as well as subdivisions (five parcels or more).
According to Charles, the last five years have been a period of change in the Fallbrook/Bonsall overall property picture. Real estate has become more expensive, as evidenced by the numerous million-dollar properties currently in this region. Charles’ theory about this trend toward higher-end real estate is that the high costs and time involved with lot-splitting has resulted in increased price-tags. Splitting a lot, which a few years ago took about 12 months, may now require three to four years to complete.
Charles has been directly involved with the effects of county regulations governing lot-splits, and has witnessed the county’s introduction of new required studies (and their resultant costs) correlating to higher listing prices.
Fortunately, Charles’ veteran status as a broker in this area has resulted in strong relationships with numerous area contractors. These ties, along with his years of selling property in this region, give Charles the advantage of knowing what to do, when to do it, and who to use for best service, cost, and efficiency. The business challenges that are presented by the political, economic, and social issues of this community drive him to utilize his masterful approach in finding solutions.
Charles’ favorite type of real estate transaction is, of course, “one that is closed.” Seriously, though, he is deeply gratified by his work in the Fallbrook community, and is known in the industry for his integrity and prioritization of customers’ needs. From start to finish of any transaction, Charles advocates for his clients and is there for them throughout. “I’m not going anyplace,” he says.
Though he has traveled extensively, Charles still finds Fallbrook one of the best and most unique places to live in the world. He believes it is sought after for its countryside setting and laid-back charm. "I think a lot of people live here for the privacy," he adds.
Rebeca de Villiers is an essential part of the Lloyd Team, and has been involved with real estate for the last six years. Having lived in Switzerland and Mexico for most of her life, she is fluent in Spanish and French. Rebeca, who has three school-aged children, moved to Fallbrook in 1997. She continues to learn about Fallbrook/North County real estate as her years here accumulate, and as a by-product of being mentored by Charles. Involvement with her children and with their schools’ PTA’s also keeps her happily busy and in touch with the needs of families in the community.
Charles and Rebeca wish to welcome you to the beautiful Fallbrook/Bonsall communities, and are ready to help you find the residence that will truly make this area your home.
Please contact Rebeca at (760) 468-0996, or via e-mail at rebecakids3@yahoo.com. Charles Lloyd can be reached at (760) 685-2163, or e-mail thelloydteam@hotmail.com.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Changing Dysfunctional Relationships
Suffering from codependency addiction is like having a cancer that grows and takes over our being, even while we are oblivious to its presence. The behaviors that characterize codependency encompass and affect innumerable aspects of our lives – arguably every aspect of our lives - but the great irony is that most of us don’t even realize we’re doing them. All we know is that our head is frequently buzzing with some obsession, usually about someone close to us who is not behaving the way we want them to or think they should be. And in spite of our attempts to get them to treat us differently, manage their lives differently, or meet our needs and demands in one way or another, they continue the same behavior.
We operate under the illusion that it is our responsibility to “help” these objects of our concern, usually through some type of manipulation or management. It can take literally years for us to finally realize that exerting power over other people, things, or situations is not our responsibility, and doesn’t work anyway. But if we persist under our illusion of power over others or over circumstances that we realistically cannot control, we come to know more and more of frustration and despair. Peace of mind becomes a foreign concept to us as we are surrounded by the wreckage of unhealthy relationships.
If we are lucky, we reach a point where our deeply-ingrained habits of thinking and feeling, usually established in childhood and reinforced by years and years of repetition, are no longer effective. But it doesn’t feel lucky – it feels like sheer helplessness and hopelessness. In order to survive, we must begin a journey which will be emotional, physical, and spiritual in nature. We never imagined taking this journey, and indeed, wouldn’t even consider it unless forced by the pain of our circumstances.
Finally we give up, throw up our hands and face the fact that what we are doing is not working. Intensifying our efforts to manage our lives and those of others is resulting only in more unmanageability. The self-created hell resulting from our own best thinking threatens our very survival.
And so at last…sweet surrender.
Though achieved only through sheer agony, true surrender can lead us to what we have always sought: serenity. This is when we might begin to feel lucky that healing change is possible for us. As we slowly learn to take care of ourselves and practice doing so, we begin to feel the miraculous rewards of self-esteem, peace of mind, and love.
Something new starts to develop inside many of us who have been so consumed taking care of or directing others that we never paid much attention to our own needs. As we rightly return our focus onto ourselves, we become calmer, stronger, and more in tune with our authentic self. We grow to respect our own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, preferences, even knowing these can change at any given time. And at some point, we find we have the courage to express ourselves to those around us, even when we know their ways of thinking are different or maybe even directly opposed to ours.
There will be conflicts with others, sometimes with people who have been in our lives for a long, long time, when we change and transfer a good deal of our energy and caring behavior away from them and toward ourselves. It is likely we forged past relationships based on giving tirelessly to the other person and expecting little to nothing from them. This was consistent with our old belief that we were not worthy of receiving love in return, that we had to compensate for being somehow always inferior.
Some of those old relationships will grow strained or distant, some will end altogether. Friends used to being accommodated are baffled that we are now not always so agreeable to their agendas, so forthcoming with favors. In fact, we may be asking them to give to us, and this will disconcert many not used to having to reciprocate within the relationship.
We may find ourselves speaking up more with people, whether we have known them for a long time or a short one. And because we are not so hesitant to establish boundaries within a relationship right from the start, and comfortable asking for our wants and needs, some people might not wish to participate. Many will opt instead for the people-pleasing types who can be easily managed and manipulated. Others may be such people-pleasers themselves that our evolving honesty and directness is threatening to them.
For we who are privileged to work on increasing our self-esteem, changes in relationships are painful yet therapeutic in a very meaningful way. Friendships that used to work may now be crumbling, and it’s upsetting to let go the familiar. However, the change from low self-esteem to high vastly outweighs the temporarily-troubling secondary effects. Think of it as making necessary and healthful adjustments.
As part of the process of personal growth, loss of the familiar but dysfunctional is a good thing. Now we are free to seek and participate in more balanced and workable future relationships. A new priority is in place, which necessitates that we nurture the most important relationship we have: the relationship with ourselves.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Being Uncomfortable
About a year ago, I was "inspired" to start my own business as an independent consultant for a network marketing company called Arbonne (Swiss skin care and wellness products). The reason: I was uncomfortable with constantly straining to fit my needs and those of my children into a rigid, employer-imposed superstructure.
After the end of my nearly 20-year marriage, I held a total of four administrative-type jobs in about four years. All these jobs required strict adherence to designated work-hours. Minuscule amounts of time were counted, and a loss of two or three work-minutes was sternly noted.
By this time, I was used to "flying by the seat of my pants," and those of you with children know what I'm talking about... Getting worked up about being ten minutes late made no sense to me anymore (unfortunately, controlling types such as certain employers and former husbands tend to think differently).
Somehow I made the change, in spite of never having been self-employed and possessing no sales training or experience. Well, a year has passed, and I am here to tell the tale of my climb to super-wealth and a lifestyle of richness beyond my wildest dreams...
Not really, I'm kidding. The fact is, I am still struggling financially and have a medical insurance plan called Just-Don't-Get-Sick.
However, there have been, and continue to be, some fairly awe-inspiring changes in me and my life as a result of this decision. Perhaps this is what happens when one gives up his old ideas about, well, anything, and high-jumps off the cliff into the unknown. Can you say, "uncomfortable?" What about feeling it?
Being uncomfortable and more importantly, seeing that I won't die from this feeling, have given me the confidence to now have two of my own businesses: Arbonne (I love that stuff!) and my writing/editing service. For the first time in my life, I am passionate, energized, and no longer bored by what I do for a living.
I am dealing with so many people now, from every manner of age, ethnic origin, social and financial status. They are all my teachers, broadening my understanding of people and my compassion for them. Also, I am gaining confidence in my God-given ability to take care of myself within each relationship.
Life has become less about reaching specific goals to define my success, and more about being here now - in faith and freedom. I am not afraid anymore to explore who I am and what I can create. Successes encourage me, but failures don't devastate me. There is always the next moment, the next adventure: unscripted, unplanned, surprising, treacherous, and exciting.
But life would never be the joyous ride it is if I weren't willing - and able with the help of God - to be uncomfortable. And thus, discomfort has brought me abundant happiness, because it brings me awareness of a personal safety net that gives me all the comfort I could ever need or want.
After the end of my nearly 20-year marriage, I held a total of four administrative-type jobs in about four years. All these jobs required strict adherence to designated work-hours. Minuscule amounts of time were counted, and a loss of two or three work-minutes was sternly noted.
By this time, I was used to "flying by the seat of my pants," and those of you with children know what I'm talking about... Getting worked up about being ten minutes late made no sense to me anymore (unfortunately, controlling types such as certain employers and former husbands tend to think differently).
Somehow I made the change, in spite of never having been self-employed and possessing no sales training or experience. Well, a year has passed, and I am here to tell the tale of my climb to super-wealth and a lifestyle of richness beyond my wildest dreams...
Not really, I'm kidding. The fact is, I am still struggling financially and have a medical insurance plan called Just-Don't-Get-Sick.
However, there have been, and continue to be, some fairly awe-inspiring changes in me and my life as a result of this decision. Perhaps this is what happens when one gives up his old ideas about, well, anything, and high-jumps off the cliff into the unknown. Can you say, "uncomfortable?" What about feeling it?
Being uncomfortable and more importantly, seeing that I won't die from this feeling, have given me the confidence to now have two of my own businesses: Arbonne (I love that stuff!) and my writing/editing service. For the first time in my life, I am passionate, energized, and no longer bored by what I do for a living.
I am dealing with so many people now, from every manner of age, ethnic origin, social and financial status. They are all my teachers, broadening my understanding of people and my compassion for them. Also, I am gaining confidence in my God-given ability to take care of myself within each relationship.
Life has become less about reaching specific goals to define my success, and more about being here now - in faith and freedom. I am not afraid anymore to explore who I am and what I can create. Successes encourage me, but failures don't devastate me. There is always the next moment, the next adventure: unscripted, unplanned, surprising, treacherous, and exciting.
But life would never be the joyous ride it is if I weren't willing - and able with the help of God - to be uncomfortable. And thus, discomfort has brought me abundant happiness, because it brings me awareness of a personal safety net that gives me all the comfort I could ever need or want.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Clever & Fun Animal Caricatures
In my struggle - and I do mean struggle - to acquire a "web presence," and become even a rank amateur in social media (including these blogging entries, dear reader), " I have met some awesome individuals who are way ahead of me in this game.One of them is Adam Record, a very gifted artist who does illustrations of mostly people and animals. Check him out on www.falldowntree.com. Adam tells me that his drawings are published in many children's books, and I can certainly see why! The fun style of his characters makes the prints excellent to just frame and hang! Three of them are about to be displayed on one of the walls of my office.
If I were not so techno-disabled, I would be able to post a few of Adam's works right here on this blog - help me, Adam! Yes, Adam also has computer technology talent, which he utilizes alongside his brother Shawn Record (and others) to produce websites. Their company is called EBSI Websites, www.ebsiwebsites.com, and as a matter of fact, they created my website for me! EBSI is another arena where Adam's artistic design talent is demonstrated, along with that of the rest of the company's team.
Hopefully Adam will tell me how to get a couple of my favorite characters he's created to appear right here, so that you can enjoy them while perusing my blog. My struggles with technology continue (sigh), but I have to credit myself with having some desire to progress, albeit slowly...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Pick Five
Sometimes, even after my second cup of morning coffee, I'm
still engulfed by a paralyzing sense of "tedium overload" as I look
at a pile of dirty clothes to wash; a stack of bills with due dates unexplored;
papers to file, or new file-homes to create for those papers; dishes to wash;
dogs and cats wanting breakfast...(goodness, even listing the tasks makes me
want to go back to bed this very minute!)
What is a healthy, positive-thinking, goal-oriented person to do in the face of
such dreariness?
Time to play a game I call "Pick Five." I really want to share this with those of you who, like me, want to feel a sense of accomplishment even in the face of a written or mental "to-do" list longer than the grass on the front lawn (which needs mowing, by the way). Pick Five is simple and brilliant and brings me back to life when I feel defeated before I even start.
Time to play a game I call "Pick Five." I really want to share this with those of you who, like me, want to feel a sense of accomplishment even in the face of a written or mental "to-do" list longer than the grass on the front lawn (which needs mowing, by the way). Pick Five is simple and brilliant and brings me back to life when I feel defeated before I even start.
Here it goes: simply pick five tasks - your choice - from
that list of yours. Then have at it! Depending on your level of motivation,
which could be depressingly low, you can choose "big" or
"little" chores. They just need to add up to five in number. And you
need to complete them - remember, it's just five, not the whole ridiculous list!
The effect of finishing those five items and keeping even that much of a promise to myself to chip away at dauntingly endless chores, can turn my day around. That is, it seems to turn my attitude around, because the good feeling I get from just making that much of an effort often leads to doing more on the list. And even if I just complete the five, I still get to feel a sense of accomplishment instead of disappointment in myself for putting off what I know I need to do...
The effect of finishing those five items and keeping even that much of a promise to myself to chip away at dauntingly endless chores, can turn my day around. That is, it seems to turn my attitude around, because the good feeling I get from just making that much of an effort often leads to doing more on the list. And even if I just complete the five, I still get to feel a sense of accomplishment instead of disappointment in myself for putting off what I know I need to do...
Give this a try. But if it doesn't work for you, you might
want to back down to "Pick Four" or "Pick Three." There's
magic in the numbers, and in that little, doable promise. Maybe it's that
there's something inherently positive in fulfilling a promise. For me, the
resulting boost turns drudgery into winning at my own game!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
It's Time To Write
Fear of the empty, white blog... The only remedy is to push through it and POST. So here goes.
Tell Me What You Want To Say is the realization of a dream, pushed aside and back for decades, and a self-proclaimed silly, impractical idea. That I could open my writing - with my own thoughts and style - to the world, and assist other people with this form of expression, were not things I thought I would or could ever do. At first...
However, as years of working in safer, structured, administrative-type positions (my favorite duties in these "secretarial" jobs, by the way, consistently involved writing, composition, and organization of ideas)passed by, my belief in my skill grew. Honestly, this was part of a general change of philosophy from devaluing and discrediting myself to accepting and nurturing myself. An excruciatingly slow and sometimes tiresome metamorphosis, but well worth every tiny increment of improvement...
Thus I present myself to you without apology, but with the hope that you recognize value in what I produce, as well as in what I can help you to produce.
Because good writing IS important, for it must convey very specific ideas - sometimes emotions and moods, information, directions, descriptions. Consider that a master painter's creative ability is moot unless he knows how to use his oils or acrylics with precision. Similarly, even the most genius of artistic minds is without effect unless one has skill in language and words to express his thoughts.
It is my privilege to help you find a way to express your ideas, your genius, your special character. Practical or creative, business or personal, direct or meandering - it is all worthy.
Tell Me What You Want To Say is the realization of a dream, pushed aside and back for decades, and a self-proclaimed silly, impractical idea. That I could open my writing - with my own thoughts and style - to the world, and assist other people with this form of expression, were not things I thought I would or could ever do. At first...
However, as years of working in safer, structured, administrative-type positions (my favorite duties in these "secretarial" jobs, by the way, consistently involved writing, composition, and organization of ideas)passed by, my belief in my skill grew. Honestly, this was part of a general change of philosophy from devaluing and discrediting myself to accepting and nurturing myself. An excruciatingly slow and sometimes tiresome metamorphosis, but well worth every tiny increment of improvement...
Thus I present myself to you without apology, but with the hope that you recognize value in what I produce, as well as in what I can help you to produce.
Because good writing IS important, for it must convey very specific ideas - sometimes emotions and moods, information, directions, descriptions. Consider that a master painter's creative ability is moot unless he knows how to use his oils or acrylics with precision. Similarly, even the most genius of artistic minds is without effect unless one has skill in language and words to express his thoughts.
It is my privilege to help you find a way to express your ideas, your genius, your special character. Practical or creative, business or personal, direct or meandering - it is all worthy.
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