Times are tough, without a doubt. The economy of our great nation has certainly seen better days, and for some, even the simple things present a challenge: eating, paying the rent, getting adequate medical care, keeping up our perfect attendance record at Friday Happy Hour, maintaining our spa membership. Need I go on?
With an eye to ending some of the whining, however, I herein divulge some of my most closely-held trade secrets of advanced money-finding. Friends, these techniques are culled from decades of hands-on and eyes-down experience.
While the salad days of finding fives or even twenties lying underneath the front counter candy display at the car wash may be long past, money-finding is still a lucrative venue for anyone with cash-flow issues. Those of you who have been laid off or “down-sized” out of a job – put your hands in the air! You have simply been offered more time to find your money, an occupation requiring no prior training or experience, and immediate commissions. Hours previously frittered away at some job can now be productively spent scouring the neighborhood or local mall, hitting street fairs and sporting events, or surveying the front-line check-out area at the grocery store. They don’t call this the Land of Opportunity for nothing!
First and foremost, keep in mind that with money-finding - just as in real estate - success is based on location, location, location. Go where the people are, or better yet, have just been. Anyplace where people gather is a potential cash-cow for the advanced money-finder, particularly places where people gather and get inebriated. Hello bars, clubs, and casinos! Coins thoughtlessly flung onto tables and bars hydroplane over pools of beer onto the floor. Your strategic positioning at the next table will pay off in double-decimal-digits when the group starts breaking up, and most of the coin-flingers leave for the restroom.
Another excellent spot is one I fondly call my own “automated teller machine.” But I’m not talking banks, silly! I’m referring to the fast-food drive-up window. Or, more specifically, the pavement underneath the drive-up window. Have you ever noticed how much coinage is dropped as people are paying for their tacos and burgers? And avoiding suspicion is very simple: “accidentally” let a dime or nickel slip from your hand as you’re paying the cashier, then exclaim, “Oh, that was my last dime!” Of course, you simply have to open the door of your car and reach down for it, giving you the chance to scoop up yours and everyone else’s last dime.
The second huge factor in winning at money-finding is timing. Like the old saying about the early bird, the closer to daybreak you’re pounding the sidewalks and parking lots, the less likely someone else will have already picked up last night’s spillage. Additional fine-tuning of your technique will have you scheduling your sweeps immediately after routine trash pickup and street cleaning. My personal theory is that quarters, nickels, and dimes are too small to be trapped in these utility trucks’ holding areas. They wind up filtering down through the debris, then out to the street through joints in the machinery. Ca-ching!
Another advantage of early-morning legal-tender-trekking is that as people leave for work at this hour, they move their cars from curbside parking spots. Left exposed is the money that slipped from their hands, purse, or wallet the night before; coins and bills that then bounced, rolled, or drifted underneath their vehicle. Safely out of view until you appear for the beginning of your own “work day.”
If you happen to be putting in overtime at night, be sure to make effective use of the “reflective technique,” which depends upon ambient evening light sources for illumination of round, shiny objects. I have actually found the reflective technique a more reliable indicator of currency on the ground than a search in broad daylight! This advanced strategy is definitely one to remember, silver-scavengers. It has paid off for me in piles of found coinage under what might otherwise be considered adverse environmental conditions.
As you may be gleaning, money-finding is a science which requires good eyesight, quick reflexes, and strategic planning. Strong legs and back don’t hurt either! However, the pay-off is well worth the effort, and this industry truly imparts new meaning to “living off the land.”
What’s more, the occupation of money-finding has potential for personal growth and fulfillment. In my own case, I can proudly say that after years of experience in the field, I no longer stoop for pennies. Nowadays, nickels are my collection minimum. My higher standards are a victorious reflection of my growing self-esteem. Today (I tell you with a tear in my eye), I am worthy of more than just copper. Silver and bills are the hallmark of my new quality of life and existence.
So despair not, financial strugglers. There is a job for you, with no application or interview necessary. All it takes is commitment, effort, and discipline. The ultimate American dream of a tax-free living is indeed within your reach…literally.
